"You look great! Have you lost weight?"
It sounds harmless. Kind, even.
We're taught to take it as praise, a sign we're doing something right.
But if you've ever been on the receiving end of that line, you know it can feel complicated.
The Message Behind It
On the surface, it's a compliment.
But underneath, there's often another message, that smaller is somehow better.
It assumes that looking different, thinner, must be the reason you look "great."
And suddenly your body is under a spotlight you didn't ask for.
Most of the time, people mean well. Sometimes they don't even realize what they're saying.
But it still keeps the same story going, that our bodies are fair game for comments.
When You've Said It Too
It's not just about hearing it, it's realizing how many times I've said it myself.
We don't mean to do harm.
We've all been taught that complimenting someone's appearance is being nice.
It's the social script we learned and just keep repeating.
But what if we stopped?
What if we noticed something else instead?
Different Ways to See Someone
There are so many other ways to notice someone:
"You seem happy."
"It's nice to see you laughing again."
"I've missed your energy."
"You look rested."
"You seem more like yourself."
Those kinds of comments land differently.
They see the person, not the body.
Looking Back
I've been on both sides of this, saying "You look great, have you lost weight?" and also, "You're too thin, are you okay?"
And every time, I meant well.
But now I get that either comment still puts the focus on someone's body, how it looks, not how it feels to live in it.
Not the person standing right in front of you.
I'm still working on this.
It's so automatic, it slips out before I even notice.
What We Say Matters
We can't control what other people say, but we can change how we talk, especially with those around us.
Because every time we shift the conversation away from bodies, we make a little space for something better—to be seen for who we are, not what we look like.
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