Who Are You Without the Diet?

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I’m just not disciplined enough,” or “I need structure or I don’t know how to eat”?
It’s interesting how we hold onto these quiet identities, even if we don’t say them out loud. They shape how we think, how we eat, and how we see ourselves, often without us even realizing it.

For me, it started with a photo from my 40th birthday.
That picture was taken more than 20 years ago, and it kicked off my health journey or what I thought was one. When I saw it, I remember thinking, something has to change. From that point on, I was always “trying.” Trying to lose weight. Trying to get smaller. Trying to fit into a certain size.

And I did all the things: programs, plans, tracking, rules.
Each time, I thought, this one will finally work. Sometimes it did, for a while. But eventually, I’d find myself back where I started, frustrated and ready to start the next “new thing.”

It wasn’t just about food; it became how I saw myself.
I was always “working on it,” always striving to be a certain weight. How I looked and how well I followed the plan became the markers of success, and when I fell short, the guilt came right along with it.

It’s an exhausting way to live, even when it looks “healthy” on the outside.

When an Identity Runs on Autopilot

Up until recently, I would’ve quietly identified myself as a dieter.
Even as a coach, I was still trying to lose weight, still chasing that smaller version of me I thought I needed to be. I wanted to feel better in my body, but I was tired of dieting. So I was stuck between two worlds: still wanting to shrink, but no longer wanting to live by all the rules that came with it.

And that’s a hard place to be, especially when you’re coaching other women to do the same thing.
It started to feel off. I was frustrated that I wasn’t at the weight I thought I “should” be, and at the same time, I didn’t want to go back to counting, restricting, or following another plan.

The thing about identity is, once we decide who we are, we keep acting in ways that prove it.
If you see yourself as “the disciplined one,” you follow the plan even when you’re exhausted.
If you see yourself as “the dieter,” you keep searching for the next version of the plan, convinced it’ll finally be the one.

It becomes familiar. Predictable. Even safe.
Until it starts to feel exhausting.

So I had to pause and ask myself: Who am I without that part of me?

Outgrowing the Old Story

Stepping out of that identity hasn’t been easy.
It’s strange to let go of something that once felt like the key to your success. For years, being “on it” made me feel capable and in control.

But here’s the thing: the minute I stopped trying so hard to “lose weight,” it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
There was such relief in realizing I didn’t have to keep chasing the smaller version of me.

Now I’m learning to trust myself differently.
I don’t need a set of rules to feel grounded.
I don’t need to earn rest or prove I’m consistent.
And I don’t need to keep shrinking physically to feel like I’m enough.

It’s still a work in progress. Some days, those old thoughts creep back in, and I catch myself. The difference now is that I actually see it happening instead of slipping right back into it.

Why This Matters

When we hang onto an old version of ourselves, it’s easy to keep repeating the same patterns, even when they don’t feel right anymore.
It’s not always about the food or the plan; it’s about what those things say about who we think we are.

When we start to question that story, things begin to shift.
Not all at once, but little by little, almost like giving yourself permission to stop forcing what doesn’t fit anymore.

Something to Think About

If you’ve spent years being “the dieter,” it’s easy to lose sight of the rest of you.
The part that eats, moves, and lives without turning it into a project.
That’s the part I’m getting to know again.